You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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