Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
