Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
