I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
