I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
