Apparently you make a good broom.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
