fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
