So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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