I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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