so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
