I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
