i don't like sucking hair
My cat gives me a boner
now i know why i became what i already was.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize