Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
