If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
