i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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