My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
