I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
