is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
