new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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