Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
