did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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