I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
