You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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