Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
