best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
