Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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