Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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