dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
