: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
