i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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