sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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