Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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