i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
