Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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