She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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