I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
