I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
