my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
