She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
