we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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