You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
