woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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