My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nutella sex= disaster
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
