Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
