At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
