Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
