it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
