He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
