i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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