Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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