Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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