They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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