I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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