Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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