Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize