i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
as a side note pls kill me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
