he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
