Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
