Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
