We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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