We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
