how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
