If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
