I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
