the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
