my phone needs a breathalizer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
