If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The uberlube is also flammable
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
