so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
