I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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