Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
