Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
