I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
